Why I'm a Quitter...and a Loser...and Proud of it!

Back in July of 2015, I published an intimate post about my personal struggle with weight, and my progression to a more active and healthy lifestyle. Click HERE to read the whole piece about My Fitness Journey. It was emotionally testing to write, but all the love, support, and positive feedback I received from you guys made every sentence worth it.

Fast forward to the present, and I’m staring blankly at the white rectangle of a new word doc., surrounded by an overwhelming sense of déjà vu. I think by now I’ve begun typing, then immediately backspaced at least a dozen times. That’s how it always is though when I want to talk about weight or body image. It can be SUCH a sensitive topic, even when derived from a place of self-love and confidence. But like many of my posts, I write with the hope that someone, somewhere, is having similar thoughts run through their head. That after reading this, they realize; “Oh hey! That’s what I’m going through too!”.

So, let’s jump in, shall we?

Before explaining why I’m a quitter, we need to back it up even further to the Summer of 2011. I had just gotten engaged, landed my first real-world job, moved to Cincinnati, and was the heaviest I’d ever been. With the bonus of an actual income, plus the motivation to fit into a wedding dress, I used my first paycheck to join Weight Watchers. That moment was a key stepping stone to my journey towards a healthy routine, and I know I wouldn’t be where I am today without the program. WW gave me the information I needed to make crucial changes to my diet, and taught me how to live a nutritious lifestyle.

That’s why I quit.

*cue screeching tires*

Let me explain. I’ve been going to meetings, tracking food, counting points, and weighing myself since day one. That’s SIX YEARS I’ve faced the scale week by week, crying in the bathroom at the bad, and jumping for joy at the good. I watched other members come and go...and some even come back again. But I walked into WW with a certain goal-weight in mind, and damn it I was going to get there no matter how long it took. The first year was consistent, and I lost almost 25 pounds. Year two was a little slower, but my grand total finally added up to 30 lbs. During years three and four I found the true definition of a “plateau”, and by year five I had to accept that maybe this weight is just where I’m meant to be.

Around that same year-five-time frame, I noticed my personal goals shifting too. No longer was my focus solely on the scale number, it was more on how I was feeling overall. Was I happy? Did I get my workout in today? Have I been drinking enough water? The importance of exercise, building muscle, giving my body nutrients, THAT was where my attention was.

At the beginning of 2017, I joined a 24-Day Challenge with my gym, to help lose some of that extra holiday padding. During that time, I started using the app MyFitnessPal to keep a better eye on my macros (protein, carbs, and fat), calories burned, and water intake. I had never tracked calories, just points, so the whole experience was new and exciting. MFP helped me realize that for the type of workouts I was doing, my body required a LOT more protein, and I wasn’t consuming enough healthy fats either. I also needed to cut back on fruit, since (while still healthy) they have a decent amount of sugar. Fruit was always zero points in Weight Watchers, and I ate it all the time, so this was a HUGE eye opener for me.

My "bootyful" team at the end of our 24-Day Challenge

After the challenge ended, I continued using MFP and the habits I’d picked up during those 24 days. It wasn’t until the end of February, when I realized I hadn’t opened my WW app in almost two months.

TWO MONTHS!

That’s when it hit me, it was time to let go. 

For me, Weight Watchers had become that worn out recording of an old familiar song. And although I wasn't getting lost in the rain (or a pina colada...), I WAS getting tired of walking into my meeting each week, and not accomplishing much in return. I needed a new system to measure my successes, because the amount of muscle I was gaining, acted against me on the scale. My fat percentages were going down, but not my weight. I had outgrown the program, and their goals no longer matched my own.

To say I didn't cry a little, after telling my WW leader I was leaving, would be a lie. For almost six years I'd invested so much time and emotion, it felt like a giant ordeal to be walking away. But what put my mind at ease, was that ever-growing fire of confidence, that the program lit inside me long ago. 

So as of March 1st, 2017, I am officially a quitter. I am a quitter because Weight Watchers made me a loser. A loser of weight, but a gainer of knowledge to continue living a healthy, happy, fulfilling life.

And THAT is something to be proud of.

Top 5 of 2015

Peace OUT 2015! 
You were cool, and we had some great times, but much like the leftover holiday desserts in my fridge...it's time for you to go. It's also time to brush off those sequins and party hats for NYE! I don't know about you, but I fully intend to end the year with a bang, 100% Geller style.

Those moves were on point!

While we were home visiting with family and friends, I got asked the same questions over and over again; "So what have you been up to?", "How have you been?", "What's new with you!?" And I'd usually respond with an autopilot answer of "Oh you know, not much...". Which got me thinking, what HAVE we been up to? Honestly our life has kind of hit a plateau, a fantastically blessed plateau don't get me wrong, but I found it odd I couldn't think of anything remotely interesting to share about the last 12 months.

For those of you who've been reading this blog for a while now, know it's main purpose is a diary of sorts. A place to share our home updates with those who can't visit, random things I find wonderfully beautiful, crafts, food, art, and everything in between. So when I needed a reminded of the glory that was the year 2015, I knew THIS was the place to start.

After rounding up the posts with the top number of hits, I am proud to present:

#5 Eric's...I Mean OUR...Summer To-Do List 
Apparently you people REALLY wanted to know what Eric would be doing all summer. Truth time, we didn't get nearly as much accomplished as I'd hoped we would. But considering how often we were away since everyone and their brother decided to get married, it's all good. Plus our backyard has really stepped it up!

#4 Mini-Awkward-Bathroom Reveal!

Giving that stupid little bathroom in our kitchen a makeover is on my list of Best Decisions Made This Year. Right above "downloading the Starbucks app" and "storing Go-Gurts in the freezer". It's been finished for months, and I still get excited when I open the door to go tinkle. 

#3 MAB Update - The Magical Powers of Paint 
Hands down my boldest color choice, and the coolest thing I've ever done to a wall. Paint pens, a couple hours, and lots of patients are all I needed to basically tattoo the bathroom with this uber glam floral pattern. 

#2 Trying the Tri: Three Events, Three Women, One Mission

Watching my mom and two aunts cross the finish line after completing a whole triathlon, will go down in history as one of the most memorable moments of my life. The amount of love, selflessness, and determination shared between those three women is inspirational.

and finally...

#1 My Fitness Journey
Oh this post. I seriously can't tell you how many times I considered scrapping the whole thing in the midst of writing. But because I'm surrounded by beautiful people, with beautiful souls, and am incredibly blessed that those people care and support me, all feedback was 100% positive. I just wanted to give someone the push in the right direction they needed, assure them it's NOT impossible, and encourage living a healthier lifestyle. If that was true for even just one person, I'd mark it down as a victory! 

I'd like now say THANK YOU to each and every one of you who take the time to read this blog. It may seem like nothing particularly special, and compared to the thousands upon thousands of visits other sites get, it's pretty miniscule. But the thing is, it's special to me. And whether 10 people or 10,000 people read what I have to say, it makes no difference. I have a passion to create, Soliloquy by Bethany is one of my creations, and I can't wait to see where 2016 takes us.

So I'll say it again, THANK YOU. May you have a spectacular finale of 2015, and endless hopes and dreams for the upcoming year. 

Love, 
Bethany 

My Fitness Journey

I first published this article at Strong Is Our Sexy, and since July marks the anniversary of when my journey began, I thought I'd share it on the blog as well. This is one of those get-down-and-dirty personal post where I spend 80% of the writing time enthusiastic...and the other 20% questioning my insanity.

But this story is important to me, and if I'm lucky, maybe it'll even inspire someone during their own journey. 

There is a time period in my life I deem “The Dark Ages”. Prime pubescent years between the ages of 10 and 15 where braces, horrible hair styles, a chubby figure, and unfortunate makeup decisions make me cringe whenever pictures happen to surface. While most kids hung all of their yearbook portraits up at their high school graduation party...I hid mine under the bed.

The refusal of letting anyone view photos during these said  “dark ages”, sort of became a running joke in my family. And although I can laugh about it now, those moments planted a seed that would soon grown into many years of feeling "just ok” about my appearance and self-worth.

So why then am I broadcasting this incredibly private (and uber embarrassing) part of my life on the interweb?????

Well as they say; without the past, there is no future.

Growing up, I always considered myself a “bigger” girl. Compared to the rest of my grade there were thinner girls, and then there were heavier girls, so I was somewhere in the middle. I was active enough for my weight to remain consistent, but running was NOT in my vocabulary, and the closest thing I came to sport-ing was being on the bowling team.

High School 

Fast forward to college, and that small amount of activity pretty much diminished to non-existent. Having to prepare my own meals lead to A LOT of pasta dinners, frozen chicken nuggets, processed cereal bars for breakfast, and late night ice cream runs just for the hell of it. Not to mention the beauty of drinking before noon without judgement and ending the night with drunk food!

Oh memories.

College 2008 - 2011

Pssh yeah memories, all my waste remembers is getting bigger.

Those years I became the heaviest I’ve ever been. I knew it too, I just didn’t know what to do about it. I’d walk for 15 minutes on the treadmill, lift some weights, and then compensate my “good behavior” with an extra helping of bread at dinner.

#fail

Then on the day I graduated from college, my boyfriend of 7 years proposed.

At this time I’d like to pause the story for a hot second, and talk about that wonderful boyfriend (now husband). You did read correctly, we have been together since Sophomore year in high school. And through all those years of any extra weight gain, he was by my side. Never judging, always there to see the beauty, and loving me more than I loved myself most days. Looking back, I think I used him as an excuse. Why put in the extra effort to change myself when I have this incredible guy who loves me the way I am?

After he popped the question, this is what flashed through my mind;

First thought: “I’m getting married!!!!”

Second thought: “There is no WAY I’m going to walk down the aisle looking like this.”

The only problem was I was clueless how to change my behavior on my own, every method I tried in the past gave no results. I needed guidance, I needed a plan.

In July of 2011 I landed a real-world job, moved to Cincinnati, and used my first paycheck to join Weight Watchers. That moment was a key stepping stone to my journey towards a healthy lifestyle, and I know I wouldn’t be where I am today without the program.

Now this isn’t an advertising plug for Weight Watchers, but for me, it just made sense. Tracking what I ate and giving points to food, helped me realize I could be satisfied with the suggested portion size. I didn’t want to eat more, because then I would use up my points quicker. Exercise also became more of a priority, because after a workout I would gain activity points, which then I could later eat.

May 2011 - October 2011

For the first time in my life, after attempting to be proactive about my weight, I was actually seeing results.

This. Was. HUGE!

My thought process about food had completely shifted. No longer did I mindlessly eat whatever was around, I made conscious decisions about the food I put into my body. The amount of fruits and vegetables I consumed skyrocketed, protein and lean meats were always in my fridge, and I constantly measured my portions sizes while cooking.

By March of 2012, I had lost almost 20 lbs and was feeling great. That was when I stumbled upon a Groupon for pole fitness at Bella Forza Fitness. After the first class I was completely hooked. Not only were the pole classes a blast, I loved the other workouts the gym offered as well. BFF very quickly became my second home, and from that moment on not only was I losing weight, but I was gaining muscle as well.

2012 - Present!

My fitness journey has been just that, a JOURNEY. There have been challenges, plateaus, setbacks, and a couple intense discoveries of self-love and acceptance. I had to face the fact that I am a woman built with curves, and although my thighs are big they are STRONG. My butt sticks out a little more, but that’s from all the squats I do. My arms may be thick, but that’s because my biceps are no joke. Strong is MY SEXY. Living an active lifestyle, and having a healthy and toned figure has become much more important to me than the number on the scale.

This summer will mark 4 years since my first Weight Watchers meeting, and I can confidently say I’ve LOST the weight and have no intention of finding it again. That confidence comes from having a fantastic support system, and staying true to myself. If you’d have asked “Beth circa 2010” if she could ever see herself as a pole-fitness instructor, she would’ve laughed in your face. But now I can’t even fathom going back to my old habits, it’s truly been a lifestyle change.

Life is a marathon, not a sprint.

But had I known that hiding inside of this girl...

Was THIS GIRL!!!

I would’ve started a LOT sooner!

Off The Scale Victories

If you're a long-time reader of my blog, you'll notice that about once a year I visit the topic of personal success. 

You can read the original post HERE, and when I discussed it again HERE. 

Everyone needs a little reminder now and then of how important their individual journey is, and that’s why this has become a recurring subject. The theme of the Strong is Our Sexy blog this month is Body Image. Immediately I thought of my “Off the Scale Victories” lists I created last year, and how much they helped me keep my personal growth and triumph in perspective.

"Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength." 

Want to make lists of your own??? Visit Strong is Our Sexy to read my article, and find the links for FREE DOWNLOADS! 

Everyone needs to celebrate a little more in their life. Whether it's the giant hurdles, or the smallest of leaps. Take time to give yourself the self love you deserve!

This Post Is Off The Scale

Exactly one year ago, I published THIS POST about developing your strength through your struggles. 

"Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength."

I've been thinking a lot lately about that quote, and the fact that I posted it a year to the day is a bit freaky. In the mentioned post I talked about my frustration with the numbers I was seeing on the scale. To keep things real and honest, I am still in that same old rut I found myself in last March. Nothing I do seems to be helping me get closer to my goal weight. Yes I complain, and yes I know I need to be grateful and proud of what I've accomplished so far. But when your progress is determined by a number, it's hard to feel like you're succeeding when it hasn't changed in a year and a half. 

THAT my friend is the problem. 

I have been focusing entirely TOO HARD on those little digital numbers that flash up at me every week. 

Lent started Wednesday, and I've decided that instead of giving up chocolate or wine, I am going to find one Off the Scale Victory every week to go along with my weigh-in. These OSV's can be anything from "I didn't snack on the ingredients while cooking", "ran an extra 5 minutes on the treadmill", to "totally caught that guy checking me out!". Anything that boosts my spirits, makes me feel GOOD about myself, and deserves an inner high-five!

And being the designer that I am, I've created a little list to keep with me to record each of my Off the Scale Victories.

One is designed for the weeks of Lent, and the other is just to use whenever!

So if you also need to focus on those Off the Scale Victories like me, you can download these lists by following the links below! 

"My Off The Scale Victories" List

7 Week "My Off The Scale Victories" List

Everyone needs to celebrate a little more in their life. Whether it's the giant hurdles, or the smallest of leaps. Take the time to give yourself that inner high-five you deserve!

The Cheesecake Factory's Skinny Victory

Ever since I started Weight Watchers, and really paying attention to what I eat, going out to restaurants has been a new type of challenge. I do go out often, and most of the time have no problem finding a great menu choice that won't undo my entire day, but a few restaurants still trip me up. The Cheesecake Factory being one of those places. Luckily that is not a usual dining location for me, I can honestly say I go about once a year, but still...have you SEEN their portion sizes???!!?? It's insane! 

According to the book Eat This, Not That the Cheesecake Factory's Bistro Shrimp Pasta has the calorie equivalent of 14 Krispy Kreme Original Glazed Doughnuts. That's 2,730 calories!

Holy heart attack.... 

So you can image my anxiety whenever we decided to dine there. 

This weekend we we celebrated my grandmother's birthday. We went and saw Mary Poppins at the Schuster Center (so adorable by the way, great show for families) and then ended our evening at the Cheesecake Factory. 

As we sat down at our table though, there was an extremely pleasant surprise sitting atop the  short novel that is their menu. 

CHEESECAKE FACTORY SKINNYLICIOUS MENU!!! 

Image from www.keepingitrealfood.com

Behold! 15 entrees under 590 calories and 12 appetizers under 490 calories! And everything sounds absolutely wonderful. They also have a handful of adult beverages including a mojito, margarita, and a red white sangria which is suuuper yummy.

I ordered the white chicken chili, while my mom got the shrimp creole (pictured bellow).

Image from www.cheesecakefactory.com

Absolutely delicious. 

I think this is fantastic business decision for The Cheesecake Factory. If you're going to serve desserts that have over 3,000 calories, you can at least offer a lighter dining option to balance it out. 

I did indulge in a piece of cheesecake, I mean I'm not a robot :) 

My favorite is the Lemon Raspberry, it's pretty light so I don't have that feeling of a rock inside my gut for the rest of the night. Very refreshing too! 

Image from www.cheesecakefactory.com

So thank you, THANK YOU Cheesecake Factory for thinking on the lighter side and offering some of your famous flavors without all of the guilt. 

On a completely different note, Eric's family also came down to visit us this weekend and we went to the Cincinnati  Museum Center at Union Terminal. I could stare at this building for hours, the incredible architecture and murals on the inside are captivating. 

And can you beat this view?? 

OH Cincinnati you are winning over my heart more and more each day ;) 

Your Struggles Develop Your Strengths

Hello bloggosphere :) 

A really good friend of mine sent me this quote a while back when I was having a rough day, and I wanted to share it with all of you.

 I have read and re-read this over and over again these past few weeks because I seem to be on the struggle bus when it comes to my weight loss journey. Before Thanksgiving I told myself that I wanted to be under a certain weight before the holidays. I weighed in the week before Thanksgiving, made my goal, and was pumped! Since then though I have not been able to get past this plateau. Every week it's +0.5, - 1.2, +0.6, -0.8, +1, - 0.7 I am just up and down, up and down, circling this same weight and not making any progress. 

I have only lost 2 pounds the last 24 weeks. So since September there has only been a 2 lb difference. 

I FIND THIS AGGRAVATING! 

After expressing my frustration on twitter (lame I know, but whatever...), my amazing friend came to the rescue.

"Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength." 

 Everyone needs to chant this to themselves when they think they're failing. I have no plan to give up, I have come a long way, and the goal of my journey is to be healthy.

 It is not a race. 

I know that I need to make changes to knock myself out of this funk, and every week I've been trying a new strategy. (P.S. anyone out there have something that's worked for them when they get stuck?? I'd love to hear about it!) 

So the next time you think you've failed, don't give up! What doesn't kill you really does make you stronger. Make that choice to keep going, and know that because of this setback, your victory will be that much sweeter.