Thursday, January 5, 2012

Thoughts on Death

Before the holidays a co-worker of mine lost a family member, and now just recently a great nephew of hers was in an accident. Such tragedy is never easy to deal with, especially when its around the holidays when you're suppose to be cheerful and the rest of the world just keeps moving while yours has stopped completely.
This got me thinking about how I would react to such sadness when it occurred to me that I have never actually lost a part of my family. My great-grandmother passed away a few years ago at the age of 100 but for some reason that didn't bring up an incredible amount of emotion. Maybe because she had said years ago "I never want to live to be 100! that's too old!" She was funny.
About a year after we started dating my fiance's grandfather passed away, but again I didn't really know him, and it was harder to watch Eric grieve than to accept the fact that his grandpa was gone. A few years after that, Eric's cousin passed away. This was much harder, being he was only a few years older than us, and I did know his family and had talked to him a few times before. But again, what I felt was more emotion towards his family, his younger siblings, and his parents...but maybe that's all part of it.
My wedding is about 8 months away, and sometimes I can't help but have these visions where someone I love and is a big part of my life suddenly isn't there anymore and I'm left alone. Whether it be Eric, my mom, my dad, grandparent, sibling, friend, I just get these horrible images in my head and I have to shake it off and say "stop it!" otherwise I'll think about it all day.  I will just be laying in bed, start picturing these tragic situations, and before I know it I'm crying.
I know that death is unavoidable, and there will be a time in the future where I am morning the loss of my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and parents. Hopefully that isn't for a long long time, but you just never know.

So for now I am just saying thanks, thank you God for blessing me with a life thus far void of tragedy and true saddness. And please bless my friends, and family and keep them and their own friends and family safe and away from  harm.

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